5 KEYS TO MANAGING NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

The conversations that go on in your head can have a huge impact on how you experience life.

While you may have thoughts on many topics, some of the most important thoughts to pay attention to come in the form of “self-talk”.

“Self-talk” is simply what you say to yourself about yourself.

The problem is that you may not always be conscious of what you’re saying to yourself.  Sometimes these thoughts are so automatic and deeply ingrained, that they take place in the background of a busy life.

The key is to ensure that you’re not getting in your own way with negative self-talk,  and instead use this inner dialogue to your advantage.

Here are 5 keys to managing negative self-talk:

1)  Become aware of what you’re saying

You can’t fix what you don’t know about.  So the first step to leveraging your inner thoughts is to write out or speak out loud about what you are thinking and feeling.

You can use a journal, talk to friend, engage a therapist/coach/counselor, or even draw pictures.   The point is to bring these negative thoughts out into the open so they lose their level of intensity and don’t stay bottled up below the surface.

While some of your thoughts may feel embarrassing or uncomfortable, the key is not to judge them and just let them come out.

Remember that most people have had at least a few negative self-thoughts.  The trick is to deal with them constructively.

2)  Allow your emotions to bubble up and out

Once you’re aware of what you’re thinking, it’s not uncommon for some emotions to come to the surface.   Now’s the time to let these feelings out so that you deplete their intensity.   It’s like letting the air out of a bottle of champagne that’s been under pressure.

Try to stay with it until you feel a full release and/or natural waning of the emotion.  If you try to stifle how you feel, and stuff the “genie back in the bottle”, this can sap your strength later because it takes energy to keep these emotions denied or suppressed.

3)  Grant your negative thoughts permission to leave

While “granting permission” may sound strange, the point is to have the mindset that you’re in control and are the boss.  You’re not going to allow the negativity to dominate and take up space in your head.

When you say to negative thoughts, “Thanks, but I don’t need you”, it’s a powerful statement that helps dissipate their hold on you.

4)  Develop some empowering replacement thoughts

A replacement thought is a positive thought you’ve decided on in advance to use as a way to “kill off” negative self-talk that keeps creeping in.  This is a more proactive approach than just trying to stop yourself from thinking the negative thought, since it’s hard to shut off your mind.

So you replace the thinking with more powerful phrases that make you feel strong and confident, such as  “Of course I can do this”,  “This is easy”, “I know what I’m doing”, or “I deserve this as much as anyone.”

5)  Question any new negative self-talk and use the replacements

As new negative thoughts about yourself arise, practice asking “Is this really true?”, “Who said so?”, “Where’s the proof?”.  The point is to get good at not taking negative thoughts as the indisputable truth.

Often there may be old “tapes” playing in your head from childhood, school, peers, prior failures, etc. that stir doubt, fear, and cynicism.   Your job is to question their accuracy and use the replacement thoughts as needed.

DIVE DEEPER:  Boost your confidence and self-perspective by mastering how you think about your life story here.